


Break/Remake

by vicewithavice



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anal Sex, Brief Violence, Canon Backstory, M/M, Masturbation, YOU'RE the boss, disregard ACWNR I won't let canon ruin my fun, kinda vague ending woops, tags will update with the next chapter, that's ok you can decide if it's happy or angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-31
Updated: 2014-02-11
Packaged: 2018-01-10 16:35:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1162015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vicewithavice/pseuds/vicewithavice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Force them to abandon who they are, then raise them from nothing as pure soldiers."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Break

Commander Erwin was used to difficult situations. Many times he'd looked directly into the eyes of a titan, smelt their rancid breath as they bent down, even felt their fingers wrap tightly around his torso. He'd lead a team of weak-kneed young adults into a fight and came back with a squadron of soldiers, and he'd even gone head to head with the King. This was what Erwin did best. He knew how to keep his calm, remain collected, betray nothing and plan for everything.

Even as a young soldier, saluting his seniors in a too-big uniform, he knew he had what it took to become a commander, and he wore the stripes as though they’d been a part of him his whole life. Each morning, after making his bed and dressing in his meticulous outfit, he looked in his mirror, parted his hair, and told himself he was ready for anything.

Today, for the first time ever, Commander Erwin had no idea what he had gotten himself into.

Sitting in the back of an escort carriage, hands folded neatly in his lap and bolo swaying with the movements of the horses, he observed his passenger. The man across from him was like none other he'd met in his career. It was not rare for Erwin to request young offenders be enrolled into the Recon Corps, and because of this praxis, the responsibility of turning a thug into a soldier fell directly on his shoulders.  He'd turned even the most violent criminals into an outstanding fighter through a strict regiment of command and encouragement, and had even seen one of his charges promoted to a Major ranking.

But looking at this small man only a few feet from him, he'd much rather a titan be put in his place.

This man, Levi was his name, was not cursing at the commander, or pulling at his restraints or even glaring with the heated flames of contempt Erwin was so used to. He sat calmly in his chair, legs crossed, shoulders slumped forward slightly, and face completely apathetic. Not once during the trial did Levi show a trace of emotion on his face. Whether discussing execution or internment, he stared passively ahead. Erwin knew how hard it was to maintain such stoicism, and wondered how much pain Levi had endured in order to perfect this look.

"We're approaching HQ." Erwin announced, watching the stone castle grow bigger on the horizon. "When we arrive, you will be escorted to your chamber by armed guards. You will be under constant surveillance. Any attempts at resistance will be met with violence. Training will begin tomorrow, and if you aren't performing to your abilities, I will have no reservations about using you as titan bait in our next mission. Is this understood?"

There was no reply, no motion of having heard anything. Levi could have died halfway on the journey and Erwin would have been none the wiser.

"I am your commander, and when I address you, you will reply."

Levi's eyes flicked up briefly, then settled back to their usual position. It was more than Erwin expected.

 

**_______________________________________**

 

At the officer’s dining room that night, Erwin couldn’t catch a break. No one wanted to doubt their commander’s decisions, but they were pretty hesitant about the new recruit. Yes, Levi was unlike any other criminal he’d brought in, he couldn’t deny it, but he wasn’t going to let all that potential go to waste. Besides, he’d been cooped up inside the walls for far too long now, he needed a new project.

“What you need is to get laid,” he was told several times that night.

The worst part was he couldn’t deny it. He absolutely needed a night of booze and fucking, and it didn’t matter that he was far too old to think those things. Problem was, being commander did not lend itself to secrecy. Sure, he could sneak into the local bars in the surrounding area, each one seedier than the last, but whatever he did there would surely make it’s way to HQ, and when what he wanted to do was all but outlawed, he had forbidden himself from taking the risk.

Sure, the titans hadn’t attacked in nearly a hundred years, but there were still plenty of other factors killing off everyone. Diseases spread like wildfire amongst the walls, he heard rumours of small-pox wreaking havoc throughout the farmlands. With the human population dwindling, the public preferred people who would get married and pop out more spawn.

“I heard he likes his women short and dark,” a woman timidly whispered from the table next to his. From the corner of his eye, Erwin saw several female captains leaning in closely, occasionally glancing towards him. “You should go up to him after supper. He’s got needs, right?”

Erwin dabbed his mouth with a napkin and slipped out from the room.

He tried to sleep, but as soon as his head hit the pillow he felt wide awake.

“Fuck it.” Without embellishment, he shoved his hand down the front of his pyjama pants and closed his eyes.

It felt awkward at first, it’d been so long since he’d last done this and he wasn’t sure what to think about. He felt like a teenager again, smuggled away in a dark room, not confident in what he was doing, but certain it felt good.

He kept his strokes slow, knowing this would be over embarrassingly fast if he sped up, and let his imagination roam. This time it was a faceless soldier pushing him up against the wall of a deserted room, sinking to his knees, kissing his stomach, toying with him, winding him up.

He smeared the beads of precum over his shaft, rocking his hips into his hand. The man was unbuckling Erwin’s belt now, tugging at the zipper, pulling his pants down. “Let me take care of you, commander,” a toneless voice said.

That was it. Erwin bit his lip as he came and tried to pretend it wasn’t Levi’s eyes staring up at him.

 

**_______________________________________**

 

The next week was an exercise in futility. He was he up to his ears in paperwork after the last unsuccessful expedition, still writing out letters of condolence to the families of lost soldiers, a task that, no matter how long the list of the dead, he could never bring himself to delegate to anyone else. Then, there was the matter of Levi. The captains in charge of Levi's training were frustrated, and vented to him each night.

"I've never seen a combatant so skilled in years, Commander. But he will never be a soldier. He's belligerent: the only words we've heard him say are 'fuck you,' and he ignores every command.  He completes each training activity we assign him in record time, but his methods are unorthodox and, while effective, do not lend themselves to teamwork. He will be a liability in the field."

Erwin listened attentively to the reports. He'd heard a variation of the same thing every night for eight nights. The situation was becoming desperate, and it wouldn't be long until the Military Police got word of Commander Erwin's latest failed undertaking. Rumours were already circulating that Erwin would soon be stripped of his position if he didn't gain some victories.

"Where is he now?"

The captain lead him down a narrow stone stairwell to the chambers. They were several stories underground, devoid of any light, and the torches that lit the path became more sparse the deeper they went. Out of sight, water dripped onto the rock floor in a steady rhythm, and the scratches of mice claws echoed through the walls.

"This is it."

A plain brown door stood in front of them, covered by a rusting steel cage. There was no noise from inside the room, nor sliver of light to indicate a lamp was on inside. Erwin pulled a large ring of keys from his belt.

"Thank you, Captain. Please run upstairs and fetch a cloth and some rubbing alcohol, then leave them outside the door. That will be all."

The lock on the door was rusted from years of neglect, and the deadbolt screeched as the latch turned. It took a while for Erwin's eyes to adjust to the darkness as he stepped into the musty room, but he didn't bring a torch in. Eventually, the outline of Levi appeared on the bed, back against the wall and legs spread lazily. He did not stand and salute.

"Levi, you're the best fighter I've seen in my life in the military. I'm quite certain you have more talent than anyone, and I include myself in that."

He waited for a reply, but was not surprised to be met with silence. He continued, regardless, pacing slightly as he spoke.

"There's many different thoughts on how to build the perfect army, but there's one thing every commander can agree on: soldiers aren't born, they're made. And the easiest way to make a soldier is to tear him down and build him back up. So, Levi. What's it going to take to break you?"

Again, there was no noise other than Levi's steady and quiet breaths.

"No one has an answer for that. Of course, most people don't know what destroys them until it's already ripping them apart. Isn't that funny?" Erwin laughed hollowly. “Stand up. Yes, that's an order."

Slowly, Levi peeled himself off the bed. The rustling of his pyjamas roared through the room like thunder, and the frame moaned under his shifting weight. Levi was almost a full foot shorter than Erwin, but even slouched his presence demanded attention. Erwin didn't need the light to know Levi's eyes were lidded with his usual apathetic look.

"I've never enjoyed doing this." Erwin explained. “But someone once told me pain is the most effective form of discipline, and I’m inclined to agree.”

That was the only warning Erwin uttered before driving his knee deep into Levi's stomach. Levi doubled over, heaving and panting, not even able to right himself before another blow sent him skidding across the floor.  

Erwin took that time to look around the room. It was a decent size, large enough for a bed and a rickety desk. He couldn't make out any trace of personal possessions except for a change of clothes folded neatly on the corner of the desk. If there wasn’t a fine layer of dust coating every surface and a lingering mossy smells, it could’ve been quite nice.

When Levi's breaths steadied, Erwin commanded him to get back on his feet.

"Fuck you."

Those were the first words Erwin had heard from him. It was a small victory.

"You will rise, and when you have saluted me properly, I will grab you a cloth and some rubbing alcohol. Otherwise, my team and I will put bets on which limb of yours is the first to be amputated when those scrapes become infected."

Levi hobbled back up to his feet, gasping slightly. With movements full of contempt, he brought his fist up to his heart.  

"Good man."

Erwin stepped outside to grab the box of supplies that had been brought down for him, as well as a torch from the wall. The flame illuminated Levi, looking exactly as Erwin predicted. Even after that beating, his face was still set in a passive expression, as if he didn't notices the scrapes along his elbows and knees. The only indicator that he felt any pain was the way he hunched forward slightly.

He wished that Levi had tried fighting back. He wish he had resisted, or howled, or something. Anything that might give him a clue. Whatever Levi was thinking, feeling, was restrained deep within his own head.

With the torch secured tightly in a bracket on the wall, Erwin left the box on the desk. "Clean yourself up. Training as usual tomorrow. Goodnight, Levi."  

 

**_______________________________________**

 

After hours of arguing with the Military Police, Erwin had finally acquired permission for another expedition. The objective was not reconnaissance this time, but a simple supply run. More lumber was needed, so it was Erwin's job to send a small team out with carts to collect as much as they could from the forest. He was given three weeks to prepare and another mountain of paper work to complete.

The mission was insulting, but he still had to fight tooth and nail for it. The deadline was strict and the budget even stricter. Just getting permission to leave the walls was a mission in itself.

He was getting a headache. Best to step outside and get some fresh air. He decided to visit Levi on the training grounds, get a first hand account of his work ethic.

Set up in the large field behind HQ was the customary obstacle course.  It was designed to test speed and maneuverability, both in the air and on the ground. It was gruelling, and Erwin still looked upon it with unpleasant memories. Levi was currently in the air, flitting around a tight ring of trees. On the marked trunks, he swung his blades, taking out chunks of wood. He moved fast, and used his blades efficiently, but Erwin wasn't impressed.

Under the capital, what Erwin had seen could only be described as artistic. Levi’s natural talent with the maneuver gear had stopped him in his tracks and forced him to take notice, and Erwin had watched every second, carefully observing each swing of the blade. Levi had the speed and agility of a teenager, but the strategy and skill of a man. There had been a moment where Levi’s cape flew back in the rush of wind, and Erwin had seen a face full of determination, the face of not just a soldier, but perhaps, some day, a commander.

But that was not what Erwin saw today. Levi’s movements screamed of disinterest. He wanted to consult the supervisor about the training, but he didn't recognize the lone soldier standing off to the side, clipboard in hand. "Where's the captain?" He inquired.

The soldier nearly dropped the clipboard in order to salute. Erwin nodded dismissively.

"He left, Commander. I was just walking past and he shoved this into my hands."

"And your name is…?"

"Hanji Zoë, sir."

"How's he doing, Hanji?"

Hanji consulted the clipboard, flipping through several pages. "According to this, sir, he's about to complete it in record time. He's got nearly five minutes to spare."

As Levi tackled the last obstacle, a hundred metre sprint with the manoeuvre gear, Erwin could see the same bored look in his eyes.

"He's not even trying." Erwin was becoming frustrated now. He'd spent over a week on Levi with no tangible results, a waste of his time. The right thing to do was concede that he'd made a mistake, and send Levi to the hands of the Military Police, but Erwin would not humiliate himself like that. If he wanted Levi to be a soldier, he'd have to start over again, and rethink his approach completely. Levi was not the average thug, so it should have been obvious from the start that the average tactics would be useless.

"Hanji, when Levi's done, please escort him to the kitchen for a meal, then down to his room. I'll provide you with the key."

"Yes, sir."

"And try talking to him if you can. I heard you've attempted communication with titans on our last expedition; I have a feeling this will be a similar experience."

 

**_______________________________________**

 

The first step was learning everything he could about Levi. Obviously, he would need some source other than Levi himself, so he sent a courier down to the courts. There, they had a file stuffed to bursting. Most of the pages were lists of all known offences, everything from vandalism and loitering to extortion and treason. Erwin bypassed them, they didn't matter anymore. The page he needed was shoved in roughly at the back of the folder, written in sloppy handwriting and torn nearly in half. He devoured every word, reading it twice, three times, committing it to heart.  Gaps in information littered the profile: no one had any idea where he was born, or even how old he was. Erwin was surprised to learn that Levi was estimated to be only a handful of years younger than himself.

The story Erwin read was bleak: a tale of a young boy falling into the wrong hands and growing up underground. Desperate living conditions his whole life, abuse, neglect, everything. No known family, and two associates on record, presumed dead.

Erwin was wrong. He was so wrong and he derided himself for it. Keeping Levi locked away in the basement in near solitary confinement was never going to break him: it was reinforcing him. Superiors coming into his room in the dark and pushing him around was standard, not an exception.  

By dwindling candlelight, Erwin wrote out his plan. He gave himself another week: if Levi was not on his way to becoming a soldier, he would swallow his pride and hand him over. But this time, he knew it wouldn't come to that.

**_______________________________________**

 

Erwin woke up before the sun, stretching lazily in his room and finalizing the plan in his head. By breakfast, everything was set up, and he took the stairs down to Levi's room two at a time. He knocked on the door before entering, not for permission but as a warning. When he stepped in, Levi was standing in the middle of the room, doing up the last button of his shirt.

"You've been assigned a new room." Erwin stated simply. "Grab your possessions and follow me to the dorms."

Levi's eyes scanned Erwin, calculating. "Why?"

"Your exemplary completion of yesterday's course has earned you this privilege. Congratulations, soldier."

Levi was all but glaring at the commander, and he hadn't moved an inch. "Bullshit."

Like this, Levi's age showed. Fine lines appeared around his eyes and mouth, and the dark shadows cast by the flickering torch only made them appear deeper.

"Why are you here?"

Erwin understood that Levi was referring to him specifically. It was hardly the commander's duty to escort soldiers around the castle. Erwin explained that, no matter how Levi felt about his comrades and captains, it was paramount the he trust his commander. However grim the situation or unusual the commands, Levi had to understand that every order given to him was carefully considered, and no one would ever be asked to die in vain.

Levi was softening, his arms slowly sinking back to his sides and his shoulders slouching forward naturally. His eyes, still apprehensive, were not filled with fire. It would still be a long time before he could trust Erwin, that was apparent, but perhaps he would win a little bit of respect.

"Also," Erwin continued. "I'm very sorry for my actions the other night. I will not strike you again."

It took several minutes of quiet contemplation, but Levi grabbed his few belongings and followed Erwin up to his new room.

It had taken a lot of convincing before the captains agreed to let Levi integrate with the other soldiers (not that they had much of a choice, but Erwin preferred to have the approval of his team), they all believed, understandingly, that he was too much of a loose cannon. Erwin was also tempted to keep him isolated, at least until he proved himself, but it seemed unfair to ask Levi to trust him when it was obvious the feeling was not mutual, and how was he expected to act like a soldier without living like one?

The soldier’s rooms were on the top six floors of the building, and the sun was starting to stream into the hallways windows, illuminating the faded red carpeting lining the floors. Up here, the men and women of the Corps were just starting to wake, a few of them stepping out of their rooms to get breakfast and tripping over themselves to salute Erwin as he passed. In his wake he heard whispers. Levi stared straight ahead, eyes focused forward and ignoring the hushed “is that him”s that followed.  

“Here.” Commander Erwin pointed out a door unidentifiable from every other door in the hallway, save for the small numbers nailed into the wood. “You’ll be rooming with two others: Hanji, who you met yesterday, and Petra Ral. Hanji told me the two of you got along famously yesterday.” Erwin smiled to himself. By all reports, Hanji was the type to get along famously with a large rock.

He explained his two roommates both knew the circumstances of Levi’s initiation into the Recon Corps, but neither were bothered by his past. Trust was, after all, the defining trait of his soldiers.

“If that’s all, I’ll leave you to your introduc-”

“Sir.”

Erwin glanced down at Levi in surprise. “Yes?”

“Where are the cleaning supplies?”

“Brooms and mops are in the last door of every hall. Strategy classes begin at ten.”

 

**_______________________________________**

It was another sleepless night for Erwin. He was still far behind on his paperwork, and he resented every minute spent dancing like a monkey for those bastards in the police. On top of the embarrassing mission of lumber retrieval, they expected him to do it all with a shoestring budget, and they wanted each dollar accounted for. He’d only just sent out the adjusted formation to his officers this morning, giving everyone just over a week to memorize the different pattern.

Then, there was the Levi situation. While he was not showing as much open spite as he had last week, he still made no attempts in his new classes, and sat tucked in the corner, pen untouched. The only bright side was Hanji and Petra’s insistence that he seemed alright to them, just reserved and with a penchant for spending too much time in the bathroom.

He was strongly considering just throwing the papers into the fire when a knock on the door echoed through the room.

"Come in." Erwin hadn't expected any visitors so late at night, and certainly wasn't dressed for it. He'd long since shrugged off his boots and jacket, and his shirt was untucked with the sleeves pushed up. His hair was probably on end from running his hands through it in frustration so many times.

Levi took a few steps into the room. It always surprised Erwin how small the man was; his presence seemed much bigger in his memories.

"You said I could see you if I had any questions."

Surprised, Erwin set his pen down and cleared the papers in front of him, giving Levi his full attention.

Pivoting on one foot, Levi quietly closed the door behind him before making his way up to the desk. His face was unreadable, but Erwin expected that.

What he didn't expect was Levi striding around the desk and spinning Erwin's chair to face him. He leaned in, mouth so close to the Commander's ear that each breath tickled. Stupidly, Erwin thought to himself that Levi smelt clean and damp, like he had just showered. He didn't remember that last time he himself had taken a decent shower, and briefly felt self-conscious.   

"How do you want me, Commander?" Levi all but moaned the words, and dragged his hand from Erwin's knee up the inseam of his pants, fingers digging into the skin and Levi's mouth-

Erwin's mind suddenly sprang back into action, and he pushed his chair back roughly, trying to ignore his racing heartbeat and the bulge forming in his pants. He carefully patted his hair down, trying his best to regain composer. It had been a long time since he'd lost it like that.

"Levi." His voice was soft, curious.

“How come I’m not in the next mission?” Levi demanded. “If Commander Fucking Perfect wants some reimbursement for all those generous deeds he’s provided for me before I can go outside the walls, fine. I know how it works.”

"Maybe in the Military Police, but not here."

"So when you took me into the Recon Corp, personally moved me to a nicer room, did all those favours for me, you really expected me to believe it was from the generosity of your own heart?”

For the first time, Erwin truly knew what Levi's voice sounded like. His timbre was much deeper than expected for someone his size, and he spoke with a bored drawl that matched his usual expression. Now, though, Erwin could see how hard he was trying to keep the mask on. Levi's posture was strained, his muscles tensed uncomfortably.

He understood. In front of him, Levi was breaking. Typical that it should be so different than everyone else. There were no tears or painful wails of desperation. It was not in Levi’s nature to cry out, give anything away, but enough had slipped past. Erwin could see Levi’s mind racing, contemplating the next step, then the hollowness of drawing a blank. He was out of options. Perhaps fight or flight would kick in. That was a common one in situations like these.

He motioned for Levi to sit in the seat across the desk, and waited for him to settle. Erwin had never claimed to be an altruist- nearly every move he made was calculated to benefit he or his team and some way- but he had always been honest about his motives. He wanted Levi because he was powerful, but what he didn't mention was how much he depended on his charge to live up to his potential. With Levi, there was hope that they could successfully complete an expedition.

It was a risk, admitting all of this. He had just seen to what lengths Levi would go to grasp power. He could blackmail Erwin, or remain complacent in his training know he'd never be sent away. No, Erwin thought, or perhaps just foolishly convinced himself, Levi would be motivated by this. He had a more even footing now, and the knowledge that there was an entire group expecting great things from him.

“When you start acting like a soldier,” Erwin said, “you will be given a soldier’s duties.”

Now, finally, it was time to rebuild.

 


	2. Remake

When the sun started sinking in the sky, the Recon Corps stood at attention in perfect formation, squinting at the brightness in order to look up at Commander Erwin. It was deathly quiet apart from the commander's booming speech; even the wind had the decency to cease. In several minutes, they would take off on horse-back, riding out of the stone walls and into the land beyond.  

 

Erwin looked around the crowd as he spoke. Even though it was a simple mission, grabbing lumber from the Giant Forest for the Military Police, the risk was high, and most had a look of apprehension on their face. Heading out at night drastically lowered the chance of meeting any titans, but everyone knew nothing was certain with those beasts.  An elite squad would be on hand in case of attack, but the only thing he, or anyone, knew about titans was that he didn't know a damn thing, and the mission could unravel at some point. Briefly, his eyes fell on Levi. He took in the passive look on his face, the slouch in his stance, and the faltering salute.

 

It was only late last night that Erwin had given Levi permission to join, and now it was his turn to trust Levi. He had to have confidence that when he gave an order, Levi- and everyone else- would obey. Had to be certain that he had picked the right people for the job. Any misstep fell directly on his shoulders. So when he told his troupe to move out, he did it with the belief that everyone would do their part and they would come back successful. 

 

He couldn't afford to think anything else. As he gave the command to head out, everyone followed resolutely, taking their positions in the formation. This time, they had to make room for extra empty provisions carts, which meant less room for the protective flanks. Working at night, the coloured smoke signals would be useless, too, so a system of different whistles were put in place. 

 

As easy as it would be to head into the Forest of Giant Trees, Erwin was strictly forbidden from using up the resources inside the walls. It was another flagrant display of favouritism amongst the Military Police; many businesses were given permission to chop down anything they could find for lumber, or clear huge section of forests to cultivate more fields, but the Recon Corps was forced to risk their life to head to the nearest forest in titan territory.  

 

It was a long ride out, but thankfully an uneventful one. The sun sank down quickly, casting long shadows and drenching the landscape in an almost golden hue. This was why the commander loved his job: being free from the walls, free from the legislature and politics that muddled his career. Out here, there was a world to be explored, giant stacks of lands and deep valleys, and endless bodies of water. He wanted to see them all, to reclaim the land that had once been their own. 

 

The sun was completely covered behind the horizon when the first horses pulled up. Men and women climbed up the trees with their gear, using the help of giant torches that were being lit and staked into the ground. If the titans were aware of their presence, none came to them. Erwin took his spot on a high tree branch, listening to the heavy thumping noises of metal on wood and looking deep into the blackness of the forest. Just because he was here on a resources mission didn't mean he couldn't do any surveying. 

 

Around him, he could hear the rustling of the elite combat squad staking out their positions, each standing guard in case of an ambush. This deep into the forest, the lights of the torches were nothing more than beacons in the forest, wavering in and out of view behind the tree branches. The moon was his best source of light, and from it he could see the silhouettes of his troupe. Most were out of view, tucked away inside the trees and pounding at the trunks. Others were easier to make out, standing around the carts and filling them with the wood and tying down the fallen trees. Erwin thought he saw Levi by the carts, securing a branch with rope. He didn't stop himself from staring.

 

_Thud_.

 

A large, tremulous sound rand out of the forest. For a moment, everyone stopped. Waited. Listened. Overhead, the squawking of birds flying from their nests. 

 

_Thud thud._

 

Footsteps. The soldiers dutifully continued the work, but even from here Erwin could see the frantic movements. The combat squad drew their blades. 

 

"Commander."

 

Mike Zacharias, nose of the mission, landed next to Erwin. 

 

"How many?" Erwin asked.

 

The footsteps were drawing closer, more frequent. He guessed at least five, maybe six were approaching. 

 

"Half a dozen incoming, but I smell at least twenty in the area." Mike paused to sniff. Erwin had long ago realized the most eccentric soldiers were usually the most useful. "More coming from the south. 

 

Erwin nodded. He'd planned for this. He instructed Mike to round up more fighters, at least another ten, then send all the carts and soldiers back to HQ. His squad of combatants would buy everyone enough time to get everyone a decent head start out of there. 

 

Before taking off, Erwin looked at the moon, full and bright in the sky. It had to be about one in the morning now, much later than he'd anticipated. He'd expected an attack immediately after arriving in the forest, or perhaps in the early morning, just as the sun was rising. Why were the titans so active now, in the middle of the night?

 

He swung deeper into the forest. Beside him, hidden by the tree cover, he heard the steady hiss of the gas canisters. Everyone was deploying now, heading towards the threat. 

 

"Don't let them clear the forest!" Erwin bellowed, his voice booming through the trees. "Engage them immediately and use the trees to your advantage!"

 

The words were no sooner out of his mouth when the first titan stepped into view. In the darkness, humans had the advantage. He raised his blades, but a blur bounded past him, striking the beast's neck and spraying blood.

 

"These things really are disgusting, aren't they?"

 

Erwin didn't need the light to recognize Levi. Before he could say anything, five more titans came into sight, several running awkwardly through the branches to get at the larger group. Were they all deviant titans? They seemed to understand that there were more ripe human past the small squad, and paid no attention to them. It made their job easier, but more stressful. How many others were wandering around the forest now? 

 

Once they'd taken out the five titans, Erwin ordered his squad to stop. He strained his ears in the silence, but didn't hear any signs of movements.

 

"Do you think we killed them all?" A timid voice asked, possibly Nanaba. 

 

"Not likely," Erwin said calmly. "They seem smart. Let's go back to the rendez-vous point."

 

The squad, five of them now, the other's having split up into groups to widen their attack, rushed back to where they had stood previous, overlooking the empty field. The only sign that anyone had been there were the giant torches, still in the ground but sticking out awkwardly. The horses that were meant to be tied to the trees were gone, their lines snapped in the panic. Erwin could see one in the moonlight a few kilometres away, innocently grazing. 

 

Another thud. Everyone turned to look into the forest, waiting for the next sound. Another thud, then two then three then more, getting louder, faster. The titans were running, and they weren't far away.

 

"Levi."

 

Levi nodded but didn't take his eyes off the forest. His hands were gripped tight around the handle of his swords, index fingers hovering over the triggers to take off for battle. 

 

"Drop your gear and run to that horse."

 

"My gear?" For the first time, Levi looked surprised. He remained stationary.

 

"Quickly. Get on the horse and send word that we need a horse and cart."

 

"Commander," Nanaba interrupted. "You can't ask him to go out there without his g-"

 

"Levi," Erwin interrupted. There wasn't time to argue. The footsteps were closer now, and the branch they were standing on shook with the vibrations. "You're the fastest. Keep a sword if you must, but your manoeuvre gear will only slow you down on the flat terrain. Now go."

 

Levi hesitated, his fingers twitching on his swords. He looked up into the commanders eyes, searching. 

 

"Ok."

 

He jumped off the branch, landing heavily on his feet, then quickly tossed the canisters and harness to the ground. The titans were close, too close, Erwin could hear their stuttering breath. Levi took off like a bolt, and that was all he could see before the titans attacked. 

 

 

  
**_______________________________________**  

All the lumber had made it safely to the walls and the hands of the Military police, and the MP commander had almost painfully congratulated him on a successful mission, but he didn't feel any sense of victory. He'd heard the numbers on the way in, nearly asleep on his horse. Thirteen in the medical ward, two dead. The only small comfort was that the bodies had been recovered. All this waste for what would surely be an extension to the MP headquarters. He trudged into his office, wishing he could fall into bed and sleep for hours, but the sun was already up in the sky; a new day was beginning, and more orders had to be given.  

 

He set Levi's manoeuvre gear, salvaged from the forest, on his desk with a clank. In the forest, with the titans drawing closer, he hadn't really expected Levi to follow orders. What he'd asked for was nearly a death sentence, sending Levi off without his gear. People never understood that Erwin would never give a command he didn't think could be accomplished, it was their own fear and doubt that did them in. Nevertheless, he still felt the blood on his hands.

 

A knock on the door. Levi poked his head inside.

 

"I was told you have my gear?"

 

Erwin invited Levi in. 

 

"You did a good job out there, Levi." Erwin said, flopping down into his chair and kicking off his boots.  

 

"I'd never seen one of them before today." Levi rambled, ignoring the commander. "I heard about them all the time, of course. Giant humans, they said. Those things… they aren't human, that's for fucking sure." He stopped suddenly, then looked at Erwin. "Is it always going to be like that?"

 

"No," Erwin admitted. "It's usually worse." He opened the bottom left drawer of his desk and pulled out a bottle of wine and two cups. "Here. Sit down and have some."

 

They drank until they were both red in the cheeks (which took a significant amount less wine for Levi) and relaxed. It wasn't real wine, that was saved for the most elite, but the effects were the same. 

 

"Thanks," Levi said quietly, twirling the empty cup in his hand. "For letting me in the expedition, I mean. Why'd you change your mind?"

 

Erwin shrugged. "Your test scores are fantastic. And your combat skills are… well. You know. I thought I'd be doing the Corps a disservice by not having you out there last night. And I was right."

 

He didn't know who moved in first. All he knew was that Levi's lips were on his own and everything on his desk was getting pushed to the ground. He threaded his fingers through Levi's hair and rested his other hand clutching at his shirt, keeping him pressed against his chest.  Levi was fumbling with Erwin's belt, fingers slipping over the clasp a couple times before it finally came free, then pulled at his own. 

 

Erwin mouthed across Levi's neck, breathing hot air onto Levi's skin and sending a shiver down his spine. His fingers clung tighter to Levi's hair as he felt a hand cupping him, stroking him lightly through the thick-far too thick- fabric of his pants. He lifted his hips into Levi's hand, subconsciously begging for more.

 

Warmth spread through his stomach as Levi's fingers slipped into his underwear. It had been so long since he'd felt another's hands on him, and he'd forgotten how much better it felt. The way Levi held him, with a certain grip at the base that turned into a teasing touches at the tip. Pulling the pre-come over his shaft so Levi's hand glided more easily up and down the shaft. 

 

"Do you have any oil?" Levi whispered in Erwin's ear.

 

"Y-yeah." Erwin tried to think, but it was difficult when Levi was still working him over, his other hand now brushing down Erwin's chest, scratching lightly as he went and… oil. Right. He'd seen it in his bathroom last, shoved in the back of the medicine closet, long forgotten. All the way across the room. So far. 

 

"I'll be right back." He said, but completely lacked the willpower to push this man off his lap. Instead, he kissed Levi some more, loving the way he tasted on his lips, like some sort of herb that he didn't know the name of. He was the perfect weight, too, just heavy enough to be a noticeable weight without crushing Erwin's legs. 

 

Then Levi was pulling away, and it was all Erwin could do not to whine. His torso felt cold in the exposed air, even with his shirt on, and his lap felt extremely light now that it was empty. 

 

Erwin pushed himself up and tried not leer at Levi, standing in front of him, hip cocked and erection straining against his pants. He looked undone, shirt wrinkled from where Erwin had been grabbing it, and pants hanging off his hops. The slight blush he had acquired from the wine had intensified, staining his cheeks and the bridge of his nose with an adorable red. 

 

"The oil," Erwin reminded himself. "Don't go anywhere."

 

He all but bolted to the bathroom, tearing through the bottles behind the mirror. So much useless junk, why did he have all of this? In the back, buried behind bottles he didn't remember owning, he pulled out a small tub of oil. Neglected for so long, he could barely twist the cap open. He peeked back into the office. Levi was perched against the desk, hands drumming across the wood and head tilted. Now, more than ever, Erwin wished he knew what was going through Levi's mind. 

 

He thought back to that night only a week ago, with Levi crawling up to him, body leaning in but eyes vacant. It made Erwin's heart drop, was that what this was again?

 

"What's taking so long in there, old man?" Levi called out. "Too much exertion making you tired?"

 

"I'm barely older than you," Erwin replied, stepping out of the bathroom and placing the tub on the desk. "Look, Levi… I just need to know that this isn't like last time. I couldn't- I would never ask that of you, or anyone."

 

Levi responded with a crashing kiss, craning his neck upwards and pulling Erwin down by the collar.  It wasn't the definitive answer Erwin had been looking for, but he was so turned on, and Levi was so hot like this, he didn't care. He fumbled with the buttons of Levi's shirt, practically ripping them off in his haste, and tossed the pristine white cravat aside. 

 

When he'd finally got Levi's shirt off him, Erwin let his hands feel over his defined abs, trim but masculine waist, and the soft edges of his hipbones. Levi hid it well under the shirts and capes, but underneath was a muscular body. He had to see more. He dropped to his knees, planting a series of kisses over Levi's torso as he went. His fingers dipped into the waistband of Levi's underwear, and pulled them down with his pants in one go. 

 

Levi's cock sprang free, and Erwin took it in his mouth immediately. He focused on the tip at first, his tongue grazing over the slit and tasting the salty pre-come. When he sank deeper, Levi gasped, and his hand came up to Erwin's hair. He bobbed his head, lips sliding over the veins that ran up Erwin's shaft, and grasped the base in his hand, pumping with shallow motions. 

 

He brought his free hand up the desk, blindly feeling around for the tub of lube. He dipped a finger inside, the liquid cold on his finger, then brought it up to Levi's entrance.

 

"Is this-?"

 

"Yes," Levi hissed, bringing his leg to rest over Erwin's shoulder, giving him easier access. His hand tightened in Erwin's hair, egging him on. 

 

Erwin slowly circled around Levi's hole, waiting until he was fully relaxed before pushing in. He worked the finger in slowly, letting Levi adjust, all the while his mouth was still taking Levi's cock. 

 

Levi's hips began thrusting in time with Erwin's mouth, and he took it as a cue to move his finger. He pushed it in as far as it would go before pulling back, testing. Levi made no noise of discomfort, so he kept going, fucking his finger inside, then adding a second. 

 

"Erwin," Levi mumbled, his voice fluctuating with each press of Erwin's fingers. "Come on…" 

 

Erwin moved his head back, lips swollen and spit-shined, and nodded. He'd wanted this so bad, but he would never had rushed it. Now that it was really happening, he could barely keep himself at a steady pace. He grabbed Levi's hips and lifted him easily laying him down against the desk, legs spread to expose him. With just enough forethought to slick some more lube over himself, Erwin slowly pushed in the head of his cock. 

 

Levi was tight, so tight. It was all Erwin could do to keep himself from forcefully sinking himself in completely. He began with small motions, just to get used to the feeling. If he went to fast, this would end quickly. Underneath him, Levi was making quiet noises, small gasps and heavy, shuddering breaths. When Levi started grinding back onto Erwin's cock, it was time to begin in earnest.

 

He fucked into Levi, harder than he probably meant to, his fingers digging into Levi's hips. For a second, he wondered what he was thinking, fucking a soldier over his desk like this. If someone found out about this….

 

The thought vanished from his head when Levi moaned. It was quiet, like something small and fragile that had just barely pushed past Levi's lips, but Erwin heard it, and it compelled him to go faster. Anything to hear that again. When Levi tried bringing his hand up to his mouth to stifle himself, Erwin swatted it away. 

 

Erwin came soon, his fingers pushing red marks into Levi's hips as blackness swam before his eyes and his cock twitched inside Levi. He didn't pull out as he grabbed a hold of Levi's length, pumping him without much fineness. He could tell by the way Levi's back was arched off the desk he was close, he kept going, watching him…

 

Another moan, then Levi was coming, spurts of white landing on his chest in thin ribbons. His nails dug into Erwin's forearms and his mouth opened just slightly. He looked amazing. 

 

"Shit," Levi said, slowly pushing himself up, voice rough. He winced when Erwin finally pulled out, then ran a hand through his tousled hair. 

 

Erwin stared unabashedly. Levi looked so thoroughly fucked, his cock still mostly hard and his eyelids heavier than usual. A small puddle of come was forming on Erwin's desk where Levi sat, and he hoped it left a small stain; the primal part of himself wanted a souvenir. 

 

Levi slid off the desk, talking as he slipped back into his clothes. It only just struck Erwin that Levi was completely naked while he had been dressed, pants pushed down just below his ass and shirt still buttoned. He felt disappointed. 

 

"You don't have to worry, Erwin. I'm not gonna say anything. I know what this was, and I don't expect it to happen again." Levi paused for a moment as he adjusted his cravat. "But I'm not gonna lie and say I didn't really enjoy it, or that I'm not gonna be thinking about your cock."

 

With that, Levi left. Erwin wished he would have said something, but he couldn't think of any words. He stared vacantly at a small spatter of come that had landed on his shirt, silently agreeing with Levi. True, there was no way this could happen again, but they both knew it would. 

 

As the sun rose fully, the afternoon light illuminating Erwin's office, he thought about how he made a soldier of Levi, but created a huge problem for himself. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ultimately, I'm not as pleased with this chapter as I would like to be but between university, work, being a loving girlfriend and attentive friend I didn't have as much energy to write and I also didn't want to take over a month to post this SO here it is warts and all. 
> 
> Yes.
> 
> Thank you so much for your kudos and comments, they make me smile :)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm done staring at this. Chapter 2/2 forthcoming.
> 
> Reviews, kudos, and/or highfives always appreciated :)


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